Following a meeting on 18 October it has been decided to creat a new Social Enterprise Company (CIC) in Somerset to promote coaching in recovery. This should be one of the first such companies in Somerset

Like most Alcoholics, I hated the words “you are in denial.” To be honest, even though I am now in recovery I still hate the phrase!! Oh I am not arguing that it is not applicable to alcoholics, I just don’t think that the non-alcoholic actually understands what is being said!!

I was NEVER in denial! I can here the sharp intake of breath from “experts” and recovering alcoholics, but I was never in denial. “I” that is the person who is typing this was never in denial! I knew exactly what I was and what I was doing, but my voice was barely heard except in the dark of the night, alone in the spare room or on the sofa, when the other “me” was so numb with booze that he had gone quiet.

“Sh*t Slingers… what the f*ck are you doing?? She won’t put up with this for much longer!! What are you doing to the kids? And the debts, and the efin job!! You are killing yourself… you must get help before it’s too late!!”

It was already too late. Dr Harold C Urschel III in his book “Healing the Addicted Brain” explains “….chronic consumption of alcohol causes the release of overly abundant amounts or the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine. These two “pleasure” messengers contribute to the feeling of being high and make you want to get high again. Having large amounts of serotonin and dopamine in circulation is like having millions of little people in your brain all of whom are drinking and having a good time and offering you a beer”

They are screamimg “party party party” …….. “We don’t have a problem!!! She has the problem, we can give up.. we will prove it when this bottle is empty, next week, after the birthday party, tomorrow. The voice of reason is just plain drowned out!! But the voice of reason is still there! “I” just couldn’t be heard!! As the parts of the brain that play major roles in memory, judgement, impulse control, problem solving, and REASONING are damaged by alcohol their voice is drowned out by the parts soaked in serotonin and dopamine. In the early stages of my addiction I remember trying to talk to the addict. To reason with it!! Like the character Gollum in Lord of the Rings, the addict is the louder more aggressive half of a warped and damaged personality. There is a moment in the second book “The Two Towers” where Smeagol (the voice of reason and the original name and person) and Gollum (the addict) fight it out for mastery of the situation. Gollum, full of hate and malice towards Frodo the Hobbit who now has the “Ring” and Smeagol who can see the kindness in Frodo. The addict against the voice of reason! For a brief moment in the film and book the voice of reason gets the upperhand but it does not last. The addict wins and the addict pays the ultimate price. Does the story sound familiar?

So you see “I” was never in denial…. my Gollum was!! And that character… that personality trait… feels like (even now) an entity and I came to realise as I went into recovery that my Gollum had to be treated that way, as a demon bent on subverting me with the sole purpose of destroying everything that I had once believed in.

I learned to physically “zap” that demon every time it reared it’s ugly head in the early stages of my recovery. I imagined watching it being blown to pieces by my a bolt of energy too powerful for it to withstand until it’s appearances became few and far between and “I” was finally back in control and could freely and willingly admit that I had a problem, that I was an alcoholic and would always be an alcoholic and now I was far better off than most the regular drinkers around me.

I can however point out to you the real people in denial? Those who really can’t accept that they have a problem and in whom the voice of reason still has the ability to overcome!! These are the alcohol dependent…. the vast majority of drinkers who drink nearly every day of the week, drink a bottle of wine nightly with their evening meal, who claim they don’t have a problem, who give up every January to prove to friends and family that they can stop drinking but return immediately to their old habits on 1 February, because they can’t. They are the politicians who won’t tighten up  controls on the sale of alcohol, increase the tax on it, because it penalizes the “sensible drinker.” The sensible drinker only drinks on high days and holidays. A hike in the price of drink would have little effect on their ability to buy the odd bottle for their relatively rare treat. It is the regular drinker “in denial” who screams the loudest!!

So please…. when you are trying to help and addict, go easy on the phrase …”you are in denial” and instead explain what is going on inside their heads and help their real voice… the voice of reason get the upper hand once again!

I know what it feels like to be an addict, an alcoholic! I drank for 40 years. Now I am in recovery and believe me you really do not want to be anywhere else. This is not the place for my personal story but I do want to write something that encourages anyone to give up their addiction or has just gone into recovery.

Recovery is the beginning of one of the greatest life changes since your Mum gave birth to you. I am happier than I have been in years! My life is simpler, I don’t feel I have any real worries. I have lots of friends and I enjoy a simple but extremely satisfying life. All this could be yours if you just take two simple steps. 1. Admit that you have a problem and 2. Seek help. This is very simple ………. but I have a few words of advice, and this is from someone who has tried this and from many others that I have spoken to, who have also done this;

1. Admit that you have a problem. When you do this you need to ban two words “BUT” and “CAN’T” If you have a problem, you have a problem!! There are no “buts” and there is certainly no “can’t”

“I have a problem but it’s only when I………” You have a problem!    “I have a problem, but I can control it!” You have a problem! “I have a problem but it’s not my fault!” You have a problem.

Which ever way you look at it, if you are worried about your drinking, if others around you are worried about your drinking, if your boss is asking about your drinking habits … or worse” then YOU HAVE A PROBLEM ………. ADMIT IT!! Please!

When you finally admit that you have a problem and you admit it to someone else, a friend or partner, the weight will start to lift from your shoulders. AND there is an army of people out there who want to help and will not judge you or patronize you… will listen AND understand, AND above all support you and be your friend!!! You CAN do it!! You are one of God’s greatest creations!! You are worth it and you are loved!! No one wants to see you fall…… Tell yourself… ! “I can do this….. I can kick this evil habit…. I can be happy again….” and believe me, life will be better than it has ever been!!!